Tuesday 2019-07-16




By Dumisa Dlamini | 2018-08-11

 In the mind of a woman, your wife in particular, you are never without another woman who is competing with her for your love.

For every turn, twist and movement of your person, body and thought she is scared that you have been captivated and captured by the other woman such that you may forget about her. This woman who puts up the worst fight against you for the suspicions is the most vulnerable. She is always going to be eager to find out who the other woman is. Now by their very nature, women never, like fighting a clandestine or obscured enemy, especially if same is a woman. She becomes very frustrated and can even take ill for days when she is convinced that you are cheating on her yet akati kutsi uganganabani. She will start digging and almost always the first thing she finds about her are her contact digits; they ain’t hard to find because they are in your cellphone and happen to be the most dialled number in all your contact list.

Meticulous planners that all women are, including your wife make waMgangile, she will keep the digits until she can place a face around the owner. Again, that may be easy because the very other woman may have an album in your cellphone as all wives have access; permitted, forced or stolen unto their husbands ’gadgets. With all these it wouldn’t be difficult to find out who she is and where she resides. She would have scaled, googled and mapped her as to determine how much of a challenge and threat she is to her and her marriage to you. Whatever the findings, often times than not, she would want to confront the other woman,

Societal Scales wonders what a woman hopes to be confronted with when she confronts there other woman.

Having done her homework she will discover that she is younger, sexier, prettier and quite magnetic such that akamsoli babe kutsi walingwa yini but not necessarily that angamcolela for cheating on her. She will attack the other woman and given these days of technological advancement and connection, she is apt to call or text her. For an intimidated young woman in her say twenties to be confronted by a woman almost her mother’s age, she will shy away from answering the gadget further the moment she is advised on the caller’s identity.

She will not even return the texts that have been sent insulting and threatening,“Uyifunani indvodza yami?” and all the unpalatable names other women are called by their married but cheated sisters. However, there are situations when there is not much age difference between the caller and the called such that she may not be intimidated. What about this woman Hlokolotile Matsebula getting a call from bae wife in the still of the night calling her unpalatable names and painting her of all the promiscuous affairs she has had in the past. She coolly responded, “Ncesi make ungitjela lengikwatiko, bengiyenta vele yonkhe leyontfo leyo until ngigane indvodza yakho sisi ngayekela, sengibuke yona kuphelavo!” she quickly woke her husband from her sleep and accused the other woman that sewumetfuke over the phone. You are not going to intimidate or beat the hell out of all the other women your husband is dating.

Some women, your wives Jabzinto nawe Mthizozo, may have no time to waste over the phone and instead physically confront the other woman say in the mall, her work place or where she stays. She is certain she has enough anger in her head to scare, embarrass and punish the other woman loshikashika indvodza yakhe or she simple wants to give her a stern warning. They call it “woman to woman talk.” It  is never a peaceful meeting for in a twinkle of an eye, there shall be exchange of harsh words and expletives would be hurled in the air for any spectatorship general or in particular. The confronted woman, depending upon her level of guilty and vulnerability, can even create a safe distance between herself and the militant wife avele abaleke.


But she may not. Here is your wife LaNdlangamandla squaring up with Nonophile, the woman you have promised to marry as a second wife and she is not intimidated. A teacher wife of a businessman confronted this young beautiful lady dating her husband who had just joined the local police station as a constable detective. First she retaliated when she was threatened that,“Uke nje ungishaye, ngitakubopha ubhadle ejele”. She also pointed out that she was not moving out the affair with Zwane because his wife was threatened, “Ngiyeta sisi ekhaya sitohlalisana, utsetfwe nawe name utangitsatsa Mangweni”. No amount of noise made by the wife ever intimidated the police officer and when she confronted the husband later in the day, her fears were confirmed as Zwane wanted a second wife and the police officer was the candidate. She couldn’t fight any further.

Believe Scales here, the fears your wife has about the other woman can be mere suspicions, imagined, real or unfounded. However, the damage she is going to cause is far more than the danger that was ever imposed by her suspicions or allegations. She will never be comfortable that you are spending all the time with a colleague of yours in and out of office.  No matter how she seems at ease with it iyamudla lentfo every day you are not in the house and she suspects you are out there with your female colleague.


Now here is an (im) balance, a man who travels a long journey advondvolotela ngemoba will eventually break and chew the cane when he feels thirsty or hungry. That goes also for a man who has his best friend in a female, kungagcina kunekuyobulana in the event opportunity presents itself and all are geared up for sugar, love and spice. For that reason, no woman is comfortable to know her husband is ever surrounded by another woman he calls his friend- velenje akulungi. But truth be told, in the event your wife attacks your colleague or friend, she may not have been the other woman, at least not as yet uyamsukela nje umntfwanebantfu. She can also attack a woman lotsandvwa nguwe and who all along has flatly refused to date you because she knows you are married. Notwithstanding her discretion not to hurt another sister, she will be confronted. Guess what, she then considers to date you after all because she is considered like the actual offenders.

A man is bound to find out if his wife has attacked his other woman. The attack may have been public such that ushayelwe lucingo by bystanders or she comes to attack you in the house the same way she has attacked her competitor. Nothing is as vulnerable, jittery and apologetic like a man when he knows that his wife knows and has actually attacked the other woman. Most men will apologise and make up for lenyakanyaka. He will, depending upon his economic muscle, say buy a car noma nje kuvuke emalobolo amake akadze amtsatsa. A few men, however, will just not apologise, and the moment his wife knows about it he has all the burden of secrecy offloaded his shoulders. Sekute kufihla now she would know where he disappears to over the weekends and what delays him from coming home from work. It is safe to conclude that women- wives in particular, don’t achieve or receive what they hope for when they confront the other woman.

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