Swazi Observer

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WHY DO MEN RAPE?

By Clement Dlamini | 2021-11-25

The reason why men rape still lie under solemn investigation; conservatives and liberals vent out significant opinions and ideas trying to illustrate the root cause of this malicious societal-ill with its repercussions.

On a triumph to construe possibilities, investigators solicitously fail to draw a definite conclusion to at least bring these nefarious deeds to a halt. A series of public campaigns had been conspicuously convened; feminists and human rights activists have effortlessly tried to sensitise on the subject with critical confrontation of possible perpetration factors.

The notion of thinking that the dress-code immensely contributes to the escalation of rape cases is absurd. Apparently, to utterly say that the way women dress is a sole reason for inappropriate sexual assault is a shameful comment.

It’s implausible. What about self-control and discipline? Just because I see a bank it doesn’t mean that I have the permission to go rob it. Males who cannot keep their sexual urges to themselves and behave like wild animals do not care what clothes a woman is wearing. And if the dress code induces a sexual urge then it is the problem of the male rather than the female. Clothes have almost nothing to do with rape.

If a person is a rapist, they will rape, regardless of what the victim was wearing. Rapists If a person is not a rapist, they will not rape, regardless of what the victim is wearing.

Of course, there are rapists who would prefer to rape victims who do not dress ‘modestly’, as the victims would be blamed instead of the rapist by many people, but that would have less to do with clothes, and more to do with rapists preferring their victims vulnerable and unlikely to tell others about what happened.

Rape happens when one human being makes the decision that ‘I want to do this’, disregards the wants, decisions, or boundaries of their target and proceeds using force, coercion, deception or any other manipulation to have their way. There is nothing that victims do which causes or contributes to their rape.

The responsibility and accountability for the crime rests solely and exclusively on the perpetrator. And the question is why do men rape? Undoubtedly, individual rapists may have a variety of motivations. A man may rape because, for instances, he wants to impress his friends by losing virginity or because he wants to avenge himself against a woman who has spurned him.

But social scientists have not convincingly demonstrated that rapists are not at least partly motivated by sexual desires as well. Indeed, how could a rape take place at all without the sexual arousal of the rapist? Isn’t sexual arousal of the rapist the one common factor in all rapes, including date rapes, rapes of children, rape of women under anesthetic and even gang rapes.

If you think clothes have something to do with rape, then why do boys or young men rape grannies. Grannies are raped because someone decides to rape them, and then does it. I think you’ll agree they were not raped because of their beauty or provocative behaviour. Rape has nothing to do with the woman’s dress code, make up or behaviour. Rape is not a sexual act, it is purely an act of violence that has to do with the rapist’s desire for power and control.

No matter how a woman dresses, looks or behaves there is never an excuse for rape and rapists should be severely punished because they choose to rape. Rapists make the decision to rape. If someone voices that they do not want sex (i.e., no, stop, I don’t want to) that is rape.

If someone is a minor and you are not, that is rape because they legally cannot consent. If there is (enthusiastic) consent, that is consensual sex. If someone was held at gunpoint and forced to have sex with someone else, that person would be a victim of rape and if the other person is forced as well, both are victims. Rapists choose to violate their victims.

Nothing makes them do that because they aren’t the ones being forced. It is never the victim’s fault. While we could always talk about how men are often taught by society that ‘boys will be boys’ and how women are taught to cover up and are constantly sexualised, and this is all true. Rapists often feel like they should be allowed to do what they are doing.

Like it’s fine. But there is no excuse. Sexual conquest is inexorably tied to manhood in our culture. This goes all the way back to the days when women were first relegated to the status of property and collecting women was seen as a way to show how powerful and manly you were. A man’s ultimate goal was to gain power and possessions and women were always a big part of that.

Being powerful enough to acquire women, either in reality or as sexual conquests, a way to show how dominant you were. Being so powerful that you could acquire women whether they wanted it or not was even a better way.

Even though we don’t literally teach that women are property anymore, we still teach men a lot of that same behaviour that leads to them thinking of women as objects that they acquire and sex as something that they get, instead of an experience they have with another person, as evidenced with the male focused vernacular of sex, like ‘get laid’ and ‘getting some’. Sex is something you get. Women are the gatekeepers and they give you sex.

All interactions between men and women, in this mindset, is about finding a way to get the sex from women. It leads to the majority of rapes, which are from people being raped by people they know. It’s not about sexual gratification, which is why many rapists rape even though they don’t get sexual gratification from it.

It’s about having the power and control and feeling more manly. Women aren’t taught to look at sex that way. They also aren’t taught to seek out power and control and usually when women do, they don't do it by sexual conquest because that isn’t seen as a power display like it is for men in most cultures.

In our cultures, we basically raise potential, budding rapists from the time men are little boys, teaching them behaviours, interactions and other things that can lead to them becoming rapists. We then excuse them and say ‘oh boys will be boy’s” or ‘they just couldn’t help themselves’, further enforcing it for any other boys who think that’s normal behaviour.

This is why a woman who is drunk and raped is told it is her fault for drinking too much and a man who gets drunk and rapes someone is told that it isn’t his fault because he was drunk. This is what we call rape culture and toxic masculinity. We need to work on raising boys to be responsible men than to blame women for wearing what they like, they have the freedom so why not wear what they feel like.

I think the responsibility still lies with parents to raise their children with manners and self-control.

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