By Dumisa Dlamini | 2019-11-09
The indigenous Eswatini family, still hard-core, will never warm up to a relationship wherein their son is dating a woman who has a child with another man and intends to marry her. For starters, it is an indication that she has been sleeping before she met their son and comes to the affair with lots of experience, love, sex and a broken heart. She would be difficult to handle for any man ngoba kukhona umuntfu lasamati, nalakwatiko. All you could be and do to her is a repetition of what she has been through. On a proper scale of balance, you can come short in being anything to her, because whatever the situation, she will always compare it with her past.
You could be found wanting, almost, always. However, this young men we groom today, have no ears, he will bring home a woman with three kids, say from different men. Atsi utsandza yena for marriage. Love was never enough to keep people stuck together for the rest of their lives because other factors will test that feeling, breakthrough and set you apart. In the event you have a girlfriend, with a child and the baby dad is there as well, my brother, all four of you are a crowd. Kutabate kuthula, nonkhe nibanga umsindvo every day. If you ain’t fussing about the child, the brat will not have you anywhere near her mother. Or the baby dad is ever in the picture, ungumsindvo by the mere mentioning his name.
Societal Scales can start with you in the affair, you love the woman but you have no liking for the brat, who is always coming between. Awutentisi futsi. The woman senses that and if she is not yet fully into you, she will frustrate the relationship by making sure every time you come to check on her, the child is there.
Why, even if you call her the brat will scream unto your ears and the mom would flippantly apologise, “Ncesi, ngunangu Vuyo, ufuna lolucingo, call me later.” However, a woman who truly loves a guy and realises he does not like her child will make means that the two never get to meet. She may even put the child up with a relative in the event she has to spend quality time with her man. Grown up boys could be a nuisance, especially when they know who their real dads are and prefer he was still with their mom. Often times than not, you are forced, sweetly so, to contribute to the child’s welfare, simply because you love the mother.
No woman, who has a young man she calls her son will ever warm up to that, let alone accept it. The moment you have a woman who has a child with another and you support, you shall be your mother’s worst and ever available sparing partner for a series of fights. “Ukudlisile lontfombatana wakuMadonsa Sizwe, umondlela umntfwana walenye inkunzi?”
What happens to the affair when your girlfriend is ever talking about babe waThandolwethu? The guy would get her phone ringing right in the middle of a cosy moment and have a long chat nentfombi yakho, wena udle tingalo sheepishly next to her. The next thing she would have been instructed by the guy to give the phone to the child and they speak like adoring dad and a loving son. Lapho wena besewutenta a loving step fathernyana, and buying toys. You are not going to voice it out but you realise that yours is a therapy love to the woman, utsandvwa nguwe, and yena utsandza lolova lowamtalisa wamshiya. You see, love has no boundarie whether one was good to you or not, when you haven’t exhausted feelings for him, uchubeka umtsandze whilst ucamele esifubeni of the incumbent. The (im) balance is the same when when your girlfriend is constantly fighting her baby dad.
There is a thin line there between love and hate, usamtsandza lomuntfu. You would call her this evening and find her icy cold and later find out she had a fight with him over this or that but almost always about the child. That on its own, that he still vexes her nerves is an indicator usagcwala ngeskelem. When things are cool between her and the guy, she is cool with you as well. When things ain’t that good between them, you feel the cold breeze until their situation improves. Here is a balance; yintfombi yenu nobabili le, and you are a crowd of four, you shall ever be noise-makers.
This guy married to a lady he dated for several years anemntfwana nalenye indoda, had never heard anything said about the absent baby dad. He had taken her all in with the child and now they had two more of their own. It was a happy family until he borrowed his wife’s car to rush to the shops, whereupon he found someone selling a goat. He had to open the car boot so as to put in lomshibo lomkhulu and upon arranging things in there, he was confronted by a giant Woolworth Clothings plastic bag stuffed with new men’s clothes. At first, he thought his wife has bought him the clothes until he realised they were sizes way much smaller than his.
Upon interrogating her, he discovered they had been bought for the baby dad, who had lost his job a couple of years back and was in a truly bad economic and social space. They have always been in touch and she had been clandestinely supporting him for the past years. She had a story to tell her husband over and above all those revelations and confessions. “Abengitsandza lomuntfu, ngimtsandza nami, kuphela ngenyanywa ngumake wakhe.” She further confessed, she had never stopped loving the guy. That’s exactly the situation with most guys who are in love with a woman who has a child with another man. She stills loves him brother and he applies no effort to be benefit straight from her heart. You are only there, say for physical and security reasons. Emotionally, usenababe wemntfwana!
These gentlemen who have children with women they have parted ways with can be pompous.
They make sure you know they are around and dad to Vuyolwethu. They will remind you at every available opportunity, (she) cannot be your child and for that reason he shall ever be talking to your girlfriend-about their child, nalokunye longakwati wena. Sithobile had fallen on the habit of calling her baby dad for good sex, because she claimed her current boyfriend was nothing compared to him in bed, Scales here will bet a dime, some girlfriends in affairs having parted ways with baby dads will never cut it all.
They would meet, date and have lots of sex-of course behind lesiyingayinga sebantfu. In the event they are caught, she would look you in the eyes and tell you that. “Sesitilungisile tintfo between us”, bese uyakwala, She hopes and believes you will understand because, “Nginemntfwana nalomuntfu and for the sake of my child, I forgave him”. Dating a woman of such a situation is like dating a moon, it will shine bright unto your face but will disappear unto the horizon when you need it the most!
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