Wednesday 2020-08-12

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‘WE ENCOURAGE HER TO BE FLEXIBLE, ADAPT’

By Ayanda Dlamini | 2020-08-02

Healthy mother daughter relationships are defined by boundaries and qualities set forth by both the mother and daughter.

 

Both have a responsibility to one another, and the relationship should not be one-sided.  When correctly nurtured, the mother daughter relationship can be one of the best ones out there.

 

What is a healthy mother daughter relationship? A healthy mother daughter relationship is one that demonstrates love, even in the face of conflict.  It is one that establishes healthy boundaries and one in which neither party is self-seeking.

 

 

The recipe for a healthy mother daughter relationship begins when the daughter is just a little girl.  It is important to maintain this relationship through adulthood.

 

 Ncamsile Mbingo and her daughter Nok’fika Mkhatshwa’s relationship is a healthy one.   They actually became friends.  Nok’fika is studying in Cyprus.

 

“I speak to my daughter almost every second day. We are good friends apart from being mother and daughter, so she is on my speed dial.  We always have something to  talk about. We can talk! We either WhatsApp voice call or video call. Video call usually works best because seeing her (yes, through the phone) just gives me comfort in knowing that she’s alright and in one piece. “Lockdown in Cyprus  began earlier for her than it did in Eswatini so we actually got to learn about the necessary precautionary measures needed to be taken for coronavirus from her, and the change of lifestyle that would  transpire once we also get to lockdown. Nevertheless we continue to encourage her to minimise movements, social distance and to make use of masks and sanitisers.

 

“We encourage her to be flexible and adapt to new ways of learning, especially because she did her first degree in South Africa and the teaching approaches are different. Moreover with the coronavirus she has had to adjust to online learning which initially brought anxiety for her, but she is fine now. What has greatly helped us is that I have a bit of an academic background myself, so she trusts my insight with regards to her studies and is usually forthcoming about any challenges in her academics. We address the challenges and her views on whatever subject she’s tackling and we try to get to a solution together. She is currently doing her thesis which I am the self - appointed supervisor for her project.” “She went abroad as a young adult so even the way she responds to unfamiliar situations is different from when she was younger, studying in South Africa. Her faith has also gone a long way in helping her become cantered and grounded. She’s also naturally a positive person so she usually responds to uncomfortable situations with an optimistic spirit and if something is really affecting her, she voices it out.

 

We never want her to find herself in situations where she’s desperate for anything. The truth is she’s abroad and we can’t know everything happening in her life but I believe we’ve developed a solid relationship that should always have her certain that she has does not have to feel alone.”

 

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